Hair Loss

For most people, men at least, hair loss is a given. There are those that get to keep most of their hair and that is fine too. However, losing all of your hair, growing it all back to a point where you can actually comb it and then having to lose it all again, well, that just isn't FAIR!

LOOK - this is what I had when I woke up this morning. It all started Monday.

















































This is what I had after I talked Patti into cutting it all off.






















Better than this morning, but not what I really wanted. Some say bald is beautiful. Me? Well, I'd just as soon have what hair I have as long as I can. And no, I don't do that comb over thing!

The only positive part of all of this is that my beard falls out too and last time, I went about 6-8 weeks without having to shave. Now that isn't a bad deal and maybe even worth the loss of hair.

Monday, I start the next round of chemo at the Huntsman Cancer Hospital. This is the second since restarting chemo, but it is the 4th overall. I had two infusions in March of this year, then radiation, then surgery and now chemo again. I wish it all moved faster.

God bless everyone! Thanks for all your prayers and kind thoughts. We do appreciate them.

Jim

A BIG Day

Today, a few hairs started falling out again. It has taken me since April to get about 1/2 inch of hair on top of my head. After showering this morning, I was disappointed to see many more hairs than usual in the bottom of the shower. I gave a gentle tug on some hair and sure enough, it came out quite easily.

Someone told me that they always liked Kojak. I never did!

Thursday last week, my WBC count (white blood cells) dropped to 1,000. Normal is between 4,000 and 10,000. WBCs are needed to protect against infection. Since then, I have been on oral antibiotics as a precaution. Todays blood count showed improvement, but still below the 4,000 I need. My platelets were low too - they help your blood clot when you are cut, so they told me not to cut myself shaving or to hit my head on anything. Patti wonders what my blood counts would be like if I hadn't had that shot of Neulasta.

I return to the hospital for the next round of chemo next Monday the 25th. I so look forward to that experience.

The BIG day today is this. Patti and I celebrated our 30th wedding anniversary today. We were married on August 18, 1978 at 8:00 a.m. in the Salt Lake Temple. A lot of water has passed under the bridge in these past 30 years. They have been wonderful. We have five beautiful children, have added a daughter-in-law and a son-in-law and two extra beautiful grandchildren, many, many friends and wonderful neighbors. I work with some of the best people in the world. We can't ask for much more than that.

Many of you have commented on how much you enjoyed the nostalgic pictures from my missionary days, so I dug up some old pictures of Patti and I taken on this day 30 years ago. Wow, a lot of water has passed somewhere. I have changed a lot! Oh, and did I mention that I love the dickens out of her? I do!! I really do!!!

At the wedding reception.



















At the wedding breakfast.

August 12, 2008

I was right, chemotherapy sucks big time.

The first couple of days aren't too bad. I go in to the cancer hospital and basically relax. The nursing staff has to collect all the orders and then order the treatments from the pharmacy. Once those orders are transmitted, they start "pre-treating" me with steroids and fluids that protect my kidneys and bladder.

The unfortunate side effect of that is that once the chemo drugs arrive and they start those, my systems starts to back up with fluid a little. My ankles start to puff out and I start making lots of trips to the bathroom. About every 90 minutes or so, I pass about 400-500 cc of urine. That makes for a long night, every night.

Of course, the nursing staff has to check my vitals every 4 hours around the clock. During the day that's OK. At night, it seems to fall just after I've dosed off from a bathroom trip.

The entire infusion of chemo takes 4 days and then they make me wait another day while they continue steroids and protective fluids. It's on about the 3rd day that the side effects start to manifest themselves. One of the drugs causes some real issues with my brain function. I know that there are those of you that will say "so what's new?" I laugh with you. This is different. There is no real way to describe it. There is a certain separation from reality. Not detachment, because everything is still there, but it is a fog that settles over everything. My vision is affected in that everything takes on a shadowy appearance and is sometimes back-lit at the same time. This makes reading and using the computer a real challenge on the 3rd through 5th days. Once I come home, it continues for another few days. Today is the first that I feel like my brain is getting back to normal from these effects.

We were allowed to leave around 6:00 p.m. on Friday night. I arrived home and crawled into bed. Saturday, it took every ounce of energy to get up, shave and shower and then crawl into my recliner. I basically stayed there the entire time, except for continued trips to the bathroom. My ankles started to go down by Monday morning. Sunday wasn't much better. I stayed in bed until 2:00 p.m. and then moved to my recliner. No shave, no shower.

Nights are another challenge. The chemo effects on my brain mess with my ability to sleep. In the hospital, I have them give me Benadryl which seems to work pretty good. Once I get home, I usually continue for another couple of nights and struggle some and for a while it seems to be accumulative. Finally, last night was good. I slept through the night without Benadryl. Oh joy!

Also on Saturday, I needed to give myself some additional drug therapy. The hospital sent home two drugs that I needed to give myself. One for nausea that I gave through my central line directly into my blood stream, called Aloxi. The other, I have to inject just under the skin, kind of like a diabetic does with insulin. This one is called Neulasta and is some engineered drug that supports my immune system for the next few days to prevent infections since my immune system has been abused by the chemo. The interesting part is that last time I went through chemo and did this same the thing, the first one was billed at about $1,600 and the second at about $6,500. That is one whopping shot to give yourself and watch go into the skin as you contemplate the cost of it. I am thrilled to have it and to avoid the potential side effects without it.

Now to outlive the effects of the treatment and look forward to starting it all again on the 25th of August. Sometime in the next few days, my digestive system will get back to normal and I'll start enjoying food again. In the mean time, everything tastes like it is coated with plastic or like I have a rusty nail in my mouth.

I express to each and everyone the deepest love and appreciation for your kindness and well wishes. Some of you have sent e-mails in response to this blog, but when you don't include your e-mail address, I get the message, but no way to respond which I try to do always. So, please include your e-mail address so that I can keep in touch. Thanks to everyone. ONWARD!

Jim, Patti and Family

Chemo Sucks!

Hi to all once again. Your continual prayers, cards, e-mails, phone calls and visits are very much appreciated by us. We appreciate the prayers and support from everyone. You all certainly make this experience more tolerable!

I returned to the Huntsman Cancer Hospital yesterday. I had an appointment with my oncologist, Dr. Chen. We talked about the treatment plan that I posted previously. She plans on doing this five day infusion of doxyrubicin and ifosamide (the chemo drugs) every three weeks for four cycles. She will get another CT scan of my chest sometime after the second round of chemo to see if this treatment is having any effect on the cancer lesions in my chest.

I asked her about prognosis. She didn't really address that, but she did explain that there is no cure for stage 4 metastatic sarcoma. Management is what we are doing now with hope for a good outcome. She said that if we get good results with these four treatments, we may consider thoracotomy (lung surgery) to remove the larger lesions if they remain and the many, many small ones shrink or disappear.

So, here I am again in the hospital with my "Christmas Tree" of drugs. My sweetheart Patti has been as my side through all of this. She is quite distressed over this latest explanation of my condition. She was hoping for a cure and return to normal life. Anyway, she took this picture for me so you could all see what I am dragging around with me for the rest of this week. Going to the bathroom and showering are the biggest challenges with this thing in tow. I'm getting it figured out though, this is my third time doing this.

One of the nurses here yesterday had a button on her white lab coat that says "Chemo Sucks," so I thought that was an appropriate title for today's posting.

Just as an aside, Patti informed me that our trip to the cnacer center yesterday was our 61st. For us, that is an 85 mile round trip, every time. I know people that commute that far and further, every day. I don't know how they can afford it. Our gas bills have been horrendous.

I was able to get some images of the CT of my chest. The last one done, on the 21st of July. These are the ones that I posted the report of on my last blog. You can see the increased size of the big lesions and some of you may be able to see the many new small lesions throughout my lungs. Remember when looking at these that black is good - that is air in the lungs. Stringy looking white stuff is good too, that is lung tissue. The bad stuff is white and round.

These images are in no specific order. They do show some lesions with measurements on them. The measurements are in millimeters. The one that says 18.4 has another measurement that I cut off in the picture. The 18.4 is top to bottom, the side to side measurement is 21.3. This lesion started out a 5 mm. I think you can see it on the previous pictures that I posted before when it was much smaller. I think that ones that are attached to the outside walls are more concerning. If they grow big enough, they can penetrate the outer wall and then that would mean even more spreading of the cancer. So far that doesn't appear to be the case. I am thankful for that. I think that if you click on these images, that they will enlarge in size so you can see them better. Sometimes that works and sometimes it doesn't.

There is no telling where this will end or what the outcome will be. I believe in miracles and my faith assures me that all is in the hands of my creator. My savior is my redeemer. I have nothing to fear. I put my trust in them for the best outcome. I am ready and willing to pass through whatever is required. My fear is for my sweetheart. This all seems to be so much harder for her. I am thankful that it is me and not her that has this problem. She strengthens me and I try to strengthen her as best I can. She needs your prayers too and I appreciate that you include her and our family in your prayers.

God bless you all! The battle continues.

Jim